Time for the next part of my series "About loneliness and friendship" - things will come to an end today ...
Title: About loneliness and friendship (California 4)
Fandom: Casey / Zeke
Disclaimer: of course, not mine
A/N: Please, don't miss the other parts, it's one series which belongs together - at least you'll have to read the first three California-Parts
Part one / Part two / Easterdinner 1 / Easterdinner 2 / California 1 / California 2 / California 3
When Casey came back to their room, Zeke already lay in his bed. He had turned around to the wall and didn't say a word, probably he didn't want to talk to him.
"Just tell him!"
Tell him what? That he was sorry? That he could understand him?That he wanted to be his friend? That he wanted to be more than just his friend?
If Sam wasn't right, it would destroy everything. Zeke would be disgusted at him. He wouldn't want to deal with him any longer. He would lose him, lose him, lose him. He wouldn't bear it.
"He is mad at you! You have to risk something! Talk to him!"
If Sam was right, maybe he would win ... everything he dreamed about since a long time.
He walked over to the bathroom and finished himself for bed. When he came back, he switched off the light and sat onto the edge of his own bed.
No answer, only a slight sigh. Casey hesitated once again, but at last he made a decision. He couldn't endure this tension any longer. In the darkness he went over to the other side of the room, he lifted the blanket and slipped into the bed next to Zeke. He felt how he stiffened.
"What the hell are you doing, Casey?," he grunted - but his voice didn't sound angry but rather unsure.
"You don't have to be," he whispered.
"You don't have to be jealous. Not of Sam - and not of any one else!"
No answer. Casey still snuggled a bit closer. He could feel him, his nearness, his warmth, his tension. Tentative he stretched out his arm and put it around Zeke's shoulder, his head nestled up against his back. Zeke took a deep breath, but he didn't push away him.
"May I stay here, Zeke? I just wanna hold you in my arms and fall asleep together with you!"
Zeke didn't say anything, but after a while he started to relax a bit. Finally he grabbed for Casey's hand and intertwine their fingers. Casey breathed a sigh of relief. There was no need for more words. They would have to talk about a lot - tomorrow, next week, some day, but not now. He smiled and kissed Zeke's shoulder gently.
"'night", he murmured, before he closed his eyes.
Casey opened his eyes and winced. Directly in front of him he saw Zeke's warm, brown eyes.
"Sorry! I didn't want to frighten you!"
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing at all. Just looking at you. Are you really here, Case? I'm not just dreaming!"
"I don't hope so!"
He stroke slightly over his chin.
"Can you feel this, Zeke?"
Zeke closed the eyes.
"Oh God ...´"
He put his arms around him, he pulled him closer.
"I need you, Case! I've always dreamed of it!"
"It's okay! I'm here now! Feel me, Zeke, just feel me!"
And he kissed him, a lot of soft, quick, little pecks.
"Wait a moment, Case! Case! Stop it! I'm gonna do something really stupid, if you don't stop now."
Casey chuckled hilarious. It felt good, so good. It was nearly unbelievable, but Sam had been right. He was here, with Zeke in his arms. He needed him. He wanted him. All his dreams could come true.
"Okay!" he whispered.
Okay? Zeke pulled him still closer, he wanted to feel him, hold him, fuck him. It felt so wonderful, it was all he has dreamed about for such a long time ... It was wrong! It was fucking wrong! He would lose him! Lose him! Lose him!
"Don't do this, Casey," he groaned despairingly.
"Let us talk about it! Just talking, okay?"
"Oh fuck! You want to talk? Now? Just forget it, Zeke, it's not the time for talking!"
"But we ..."
Casey put his thumb onto Zeke's lips to quieten him.
And he started to kiss him again. No longer soft pecks, no gentle, tender kisses. His kiss was deep, greedy and full of desire. Zeke didn't hesitated any longer, he returned it eagerly.
It lasted long, until they came back on earth. They kept lying in each others arms, exhausted but highly satisfied. Zeke glanced at Casey frowning.
"What the hell was that?"
Casey giggled. He felt so happy, but also a little bit uneasy. He tried to understand what had happened during the last hour - all had happened without thinking. All the pent-up tension of yesterday had turned into feelings, desire and lust.
"I would say, you can call it sex!"
Zeke shook the head.
"I have had sex before.This was different!"
Zeke smiled and kissed him slightly onto his forehead.
"So fucking great! And I was so stupid!"
"I was so sure, that you are just a shy, little virgin!"
Casey felt like he became red.
"Well ... I think, I was!"
"Shy? You are not! Shy, little boys don't act like this!"
"Nearly a virgin!"
Zeke narrowed his eyes, then he started to laugh.
"Oh, c'mon, Case, you don't have to fool me! It's okay!"
"I don't! I've had a date with a girl before, just once. Well, it was not the highlight of my life. It was just fucking embarrassing.That's it! Some times later I stopped self-deceiving me. I like surfing in the web. For stuff ... about guys, you know ... but I was never together with a guy before you."
He could see how Zeke paled.
"Oh God! I'll be damned! You really wanna tell me, that this was your first time?"
Casey chuckled a bit nervous and wanted to take him into his arms.
"Well, it was not so bad, wasn't it?" he murmured.
Zeke's eyes sparkled furiously, he pushed his hand away.
"Fuck! Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"But... Why? Would this have changed anything?"
"Sure it had! I would never ...."
"What? You regret fucking me?"
Zeke hesitated. He felt that his words hurt him. And this was the last he wanted.
"I don't know," he murmured.
"No ... of course not! But there was no need to rush things! We could have took it nice and easy! And I wouldn't have hurt you!"
Casey's face brightened. Although Zeke struggled against him, he pulled him closer.
"Has it felt like you were hurting me?"
"No! It has looked as if you knew what you are doing! But you didn't! That was not fair, Case! I would never have ... done all this shit!"
Casey tried not to start laughing.
"Good, that you didn't knew about it," he murmured.
"What? Casey, it was your first time. And I ... I acted like a fucking prick!"
"Zeke! Please, stop it! You didn't do anything wrong! It wasn't meant to happen like this, but it just did. We wanted it, Zeke, we both wanted it! I didn't have to think about it at all. I just wanted to feel you, close to me, inside me. It was such a great feeling ... You enjoyed it, too, don't you?"
For a while Zeke only looked at him.
"You are so unique, Casey," he murmured.
Casey felt how he became red.
"I'm not! You know, I am ... what I am!"
Zeke pulled him near at himself.
"Yeah, you are! I like you, Casey, just the way you are! ... I'm so afraid to lose you ... Sam, he ... "
He felt how Casey suddenly stiffened in his arms.
"What? What's wrong?"
Casey swallowed. Sam! He had promised to call him this morning. Zeke needed to talk to him, he needed to hear more about his mother. But Casey didn't know how to raise the issue. He didn't want to freak him out again.
Zeke narrowed his eyes.
"It's Sam, isn't it?"
Casey nodded halting.
"Yeah. But it's not like you think! Okay, he really is a nice guy. But, nevertheless, I don't get laid with every guy, just because he is nice."
He stroked softly over Zeke's cheek.
"There must be a little bit more, you know."
"I get it! No more jealousy, okay?"
"Good! So ... may I call him? Maybe we could meet him for lunch, or so."
"Would this make you happy?"
"It could make you feel better! Give him a chance!"
Zeke laughed and pulled him into a gentle kiss.
"Stubborn little boy! Okay ... I'm gonna talk with him!"