Today the last chapter of my little ficlet: 'Shattered pieces'
Just in case you have missed chapter one or two, you should go and read them first, because only then this part will make sense.
Part one - Part two
Title: Shattered Pieces (3 / 3)
Fandom: The Faculty = Zeke / Casey
Summery: Stokely can't accept a decision Zeke made
Disclaimer: The Faculty and the boys are not mine, of course ;)
Weekend again. As always Zeke stepped out of the house with mixed feelings. He could never be sure what would expect him today. If his mom was in a good state, if she would remember him or if she would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling disoriented. Sometimes she did ignore him, sometimes she did yell at him, sometimes she didn't stop to ask for forgiveness. But what he hated most: when she acted like the mom he had stopped to want ages ago, loving, caring, interested in his life.
The moment he reached the GTO he grabbed for a cigarette … and stopped dead. No! No, no, no!
Casey smiled at him.
„Are you going to Akron again? Visiting your mom?“
Zeke groaned inwardly.
'Fuck you, Stokes', he thought.
„Non of your business!“
He glared at Casey with threateningly narrowed eyes but the boy didn't shy away.
„Don't act like a dick, that's ridiculous.“
„Leave me alone! If I wanted you to know I would have told you. Stupid bitch.“
„Stokes kept her promise,“ Casey said.
„I knew she had a talk with you but she refused to tell me.“
„She was the only one I told about it. So don't try to fool me.“
„You should have known better. She can't keep a secret from Stan. And it was so much easier to persuade him to tell me.“
One more reason to live on his own. No friends who could betray you … even if they only wanted to help. He was not angry … just exhausted.
„So, can we talk now?“
„No! It's all said!“
Casey rolled his eyes.
„God, Zeke, you are such a stubborn shit. We were together, weren't we? Friends, lovers. We had future dreams, we wanted a life together. And you are willing to give all this up just because your mom got sick?
Don't get me wrong, of course you need to be there for her now. But you don't need to do this alone. Let me help you, Zeke. What kind of boyfriend am I when I would leave you alone when you need me most?
I want to get to know her!“
Zeke took a deep breath.
„No, you don't,“ he snarled.
„Yes, I do,“ Casey persisted.
„She's your mom!“
Again the pictures tormented him.
„My mom was a beautiful, smart lady. Funny and dedicated. Wherever she got to people liked her. She had friends all over the world.
Nowadays it's not much left from her former self. No fun to visit her and to see her in that state.“
Casey bit his lower lip , then he grabbed for Zeke's hand. Instinctively Zeke wanted to pull away but Casey squeezed it hard, not willing to let him go so easy.
„I can deal with that,“ he whispered.
Finally Zeke managed to jerk free.
„I can't,“ he said and felt panic rising up.
Why did he come here? Why couldn't he just accept, that it had to be over? Why didn't he see that Zeke only tried to protect him … from a life that would finally break him?
Against his will his mind wandered back to this day some weeks ago when he had visited his mother. Everything had looked fine. She had smiled openly when he entered the room, had even pulled him into her arms. They had had a snack in the cafeteria, she had laughed and talked about an exhibition she wanted to visit. Of course, he had known that this exhibition only existed in her fantasy, but he didn't mind. Not often he did spend such an relaxing afternoon together with her.
Things had changed when it was time to go. Out of the blue she had started to cry, she yelled at him, clung to him so hard that she almost tore his shirt.
'Don't leave me,' she had whined.
'Please, don't leave me. I need you. I love you.'
Then she was collapsed, a nurse had given her a sedation shot and told him to go. He had already reached the door when he had heard her desperate outcry. 'Paul. Please. You … can't …' The rest had been too slurred and he did flight out of the nursing home, feeling like in a haze. About 50 miles later he had stopped the GTO on a parking lot, not knowing where he was. With trembling hands he lit a cigarette.
'Paul. Please. You … can't ...'
The words were still throbbing in his head. Paul. Not Zeke. He had spend the afternoon with her and hadn't even recognized that she was somewhere in another world, another time. Together with another guy, Paul Daniel Tyler, his father. He had seen her in a worse state before but nothing had been so disturbing. The night after he had dreamed about it for the first time. He was caught somewhere in a nuthouse, not able to remember anything from his life. And when Casey came to help him he had been like a stranger for him … he had started to yell in panic … not able to stop until he finally did wake up … shaking, soaked in sweat … The night he had made the decision to let him go.
He looked back at Casey and his gut felt tied up in knots. God, how much did he love him. His giddy laugh, the mischievous sparkling in his eyes when he was happy. His deep groaning, his satisfied sighs when they did make love. His stubborn behavior when he did fight for something he thought it was worth it. Impossible not to love him. Impossible to destroy him.
„I can't,“ he repeated weakly.
„It would break your heart to see me in that state. To realize that I'm not living in the same world with you anymore, a world where you don't even exist.”
„I'm sure deep inside she remembers you,“ Casey tried to reassure him.
„You are her son.“
But then the words started to sink in deeper and he frowned
„Ähm … we are talking about your mom, don't we?“
Zeke stared at him with deep sorrow in his eyes. He couldn't bear this much longer.
„I will end like her. Broken, disoriented. And I don't want you to see me like that.“
All Casey could do was gasping for air. He felt numbed. The panic in Zeke's eyes wanted to leap across to him. He did fight it back. Licked his lips, knew he was trembling all over.
„You are … you are 20 years old, Zeke. You … you can't have Alzheimer!“
The silence was almost unbearable until Zeke finally shook his head.
„No, of course not. But there is no guarantee. She's my Mom. And only ten years ago no one would have suspected that she would end like this.“
Casey breathed out deeply, though not completely reassured. His mind was racing. He tried hard to remember all he had ever read about Alzheimer. How great were the chances that dementia was congenital?
„Did you … talk with a doctor? Had some tests?“
Zeke pulled the face.
„I know what he would tell me. No reason to freak out. There is no proof that it run to families. But what do they actually know? It's a new field of research. They don't even know why my Mom got sick … she's years away from the critical age … but it is happened. Everything is possible and no one can do anything against it.“
„Good God, Zeke!“
Casey couldn't hold back any longer. He put his arms around him and pulled him into a firm embrace, not caring about curious looks from the neighborhood. They never did come out openly, only Casey's family and some close friends knew about them. Guy couples in Herrington still were a rarity and got more than just one scornful look. They had looked forward to San Fran where people were so much more open minded. But now Casey couldn't care less, he needed to feel him, smell him, needed to make sure that he was okay.
„Don't do this again. You've scared me to death.“
He sniffed and suddenly noticed tears running down his face. Tears of relief. And Zeke did hold him, stroked his back to calm him.
„I'm sorry,“ he murmured.
„I'm so sorry. But I can't stop thinking about it what it would do with you … when I can't remember you anymore. All what you are for me … all what you did for me … as if all this is never happened. I'm dreaming about it … and even if I'm awake I still feel your desperation. Like a nightmare I can't wake up from.“
Casey stepped back and stared at him with these dark, sparkling, blue eyes which warned him to be careful. It was never a good idea to fuck around with Casey Connor.
„As a scientist you should be able to think more rational,“ he said.
„Sure, you can get Alzheimer one day. I can get Cancer or a bus will run me over. Everything is possible. But you can't spend the rest of your life waiting for something which will hopefully never happen. You need to look forward.“
„I don't know where to go anymore. She never thought about me while she was jetting from one party to another; she never was there for me, no Christmas Eve, no Birthday. There was a time where I thought I would hate her for the rest of my life but then I just didn't care anymore.“
He put his hand onto Casey's cheek.
„You was there for me. I want to go to San Fran with you. I want a future. I want to make you happy. But I'm afraid, I can't. It's not fair.“
„She's your mom, Zeke,“ Casey interrupted him.
„And I want you to take care of her. We both will. We will find a way for us and for her. You shouldn't even think about it to give up UCSF. Best Med-School for you because you are brilliant. After graduation you could go for research of dementia. Like you said, there is still a lot to find out.“
„It's too late,“ Zeke protested.
Casey nodded slowly.
„For your mom, yes,“ he admitted. It didn't make any sense to lie, Zeke was much too smart not to see through it. Research didn't mean to work wonders.
„For others, no. Find out more about Alzheimer, about the heredity of dementia. How many family members feel like you? Helpless. Terrified. Because they don't know where all this will go to. Give them some certainty and it will make their life much more bearable.“
Maybe for the first time since ages Zeke could feel how he started to relax. Casey was the only one who could do this to him. He was always able to find something good even in the worst situation, he would never stop to fight for the people he loved. And he loved Zeke.
„You are a sly fox,“ Zeke murmured.
The answer was a wide grin.
„That's why you love me.“
Casey pointed to the GTO.
„Shouldn't we go now? Maybe she's already waiting for you.“
Maybe. Maybe not. Zeke was still double-minded. It was dependent on her current state what did await him today, he knew this all too well.
„You can come with me,“ he finally agreed.
„Doesn't mean, though, that I will change my mind about San Fran and all. You will go there, no matter what.
And one more condition. I will talk with the doc first. When he thinks it's okay that you meet her, I will come and get you. But if she's in a bad state ...“
„... I will stay in the goat and wait for you! It's a deal.“
It was a first step and he knew better than to press Zeke even more. The smile on his lips when he got into the GTO was enough for the moment.